Friday, 9 June 2017

Handling a Rebel Husband Without Seeking Divorce

 Researches and interviews were conducted in other to share different views and opinions on how you could handle a rebel partner especially a rebel husband. Names were excluded for confidential purpose but everyone's opinion was penned down and included in the write up. Read and digest everything, share with others and also air your opinion. Your opinion might be someone's solution. Feel free to interact or mail us via the contact listed below the page. We have several books in the shelf to help you get over any situations you might find yourself. Click visit here on the page below.

It sounds like you're really frustrated right now. But, it might help you to remind yourself that there are probably things about your husband's rebel nature that you love. It's also important to remember that when you ask your husband to do something- even if it was something he wanted to do, he won't be able to bring himself to do it anymore. I can't tell you how many times my husband has asked me to do something that I was in the process of doing, but since he asked I just had to stop and wait until it was my time to do it again. I know it's stupid, and your husband probably knows it's stupid, but it takes a huge amount of energy and self control to override that instinct.

One thing that is helpful with me and my husband is when something must happen by a deadline and he thinks I need a reminder, he'll say: "I know you'll get to this in your own time and your own way, but I wanted to let you know that the electric bill is due on the 23rd" (or something like that) when he says it that way, I feel like I can freely and cheerfully choose to do it. It may also feel patronizing, but instead of asking him to do things, try noticing and praising anything he has done, "honey, I noticed you emptied the dishwasher. I love having a partner who helps me keep a clean house!" Is more effective than "why didn't you move the laundry to the dryer?!"

When I feel noticed and appreciated, I want to live up to the identity of the equal partner and caring spouse rather than resentful of my nagging partner.

As a rebel, I know I can be hard to live with...but I like to think I have other good qualities! I know I help my obliger husband not take on too much and recognize when he's doing everything for everyone else, but not taking care of himself. You don't, you hire someone else to do it.

I think the thing that gets to me the most is that when he asks me to do something and I don't do it right away, he scolds me that I didn't honor his request and do what he asks but at the same time he rarely does what I ask without a lot of effort. I have a hard time not looking at it as a lack of regard for my wants and needs. I know none of his behavior is malicious, but the obliged in me can't wrap my mind around it. I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I'm guilty of that too. I think it stems from the idea that when I make a request I "feel" like there's a good reason for it that makes sense to me, so I get irritated if my husband doesn't help me out...but I hate feeling like I have a list of chores from him to do ("I'm not some 1950s housewife!")

Does your husband know he's a rebel? Becoming aware of my tendency has really helped me be more considerate of my husband. We make our list of priorities together, so whether it's parenting responsibilities, making meals or cleaning up around the house...I feel like we've both had input. I also try to recognize that even though our priorities aren't the same, just because something that's important to my husband isn't important to me, HE is important to me, so that helps me be more cooperative. It really helps to have these conversations when your not angry or upset about it because then it feels less personal- it's the behavior you dislike not the person.

I asked my husband about that. And I don't know if you have any rebels in your life, but this is what he said. "I don't consider it tip toeing around your feelings, I'm just trying to communicate more effectively with you. My saying, 'I know you'll get to it in your own time' sounds to you the way, 'I need this done by Friday at 2' sounds to me." It also helps that we have a lot of trust in our relationship. We've been married for 9 years, and I've never missed a bill payment...that's part of my identity. It may not work for all rebels, but it works for us.

I love my rebel husband very much but it can sometimes be a challenge to deal with our different tendencies. I would think he has the easier end because all he has to say is that he would like me to do something and I do it. I will try to reframe my words and not expect him to respond as I do. I know I rely on my husband's stability, and I often wish I were more like him.

I also have a rebel husband, he's totally awesome and utterly infuriating...while he's not bad on the chores front (better than me really) he hates making plans, as soon as I start I can see him visibly tense I'm very breezy on his part in our social plans, I say 'you come or not' and he's happy to join in. Seems nuts to me, but hey, I need an army of people holding me accountable to get anything done for myself, he thinks that's nuts

As a rebel husband I tend to have the most resistance when my wife "asks" (i.e tells) me to do something and expects it to be done now and in a particular way. Being given choices and the option to make my own choices means I'll get stuff done.
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